Time Out

We’ve started trying for another child at the start of the year.  So far we’ve had no luck.  I was really starting to get depressed because I’m hearing pregnancy announcements left and right from friends and family.  It’s hard for me to understand how I got pregnant twice without even trying but when we time it out and plan for it, we have no luck.

Today I was looking at pictures from my daughters birthday parties back in January.  I saw several pictures of me from ALL angles and just started crying.  I have no full length mirrors in my home so all I ever see is shoulders up in the bathroom mirror.  Seeing these pictures really opened my eyes to how bad I’ve let myself go over the past 8yrs.

My husband mentioned he’s gain 25lbs in the past 8yrs and I was like really that’s not horrible and wouldn’t be horrible to lose.  I however, and I say this with tears in my eyes have gained triple that.  I’ve had 2 kids within a year of each other and have struggled ever since.  Well, now I can where my body is having trouble conceiving, I’m too over weight.

I’ve always struggled for my height to stay where I need to be.  I’m 5’3 and have broad shoulders.  My torso is really long and my legs are short.  My husband is 5’10/5’11 and my torso is longer than his.  I take after my dad with my weight, it all stays in my torso.  Seeing how bad I really look really opened my eyes to how badly I need to lose weight before trying to have another child and gaining even more weight in the process.

Working out is difficult right now because I’m still recovering from my broken ankle and this spring weather is working against me and my foot has been swollen and super stiff the past couple weeks.  I also have a bum elbow right because I can’t bear surgery again at this time to remove a bone chip in there that keeps shifting and causing my elbow to lock up.  Ironically all my injuries are on the right side… weird right?

Well, Monday I’m starting to kick my butt in gear.  I can’t really go grocery shopping as I just finished off my budget for the month so I have to wait another 2 weeks before I can really healthy shop for me.  Which stinks because a little someone turned the knobs on my fridge and froze all my produce I just purchased (grrr) So the eating out will be done, I’m going to start off doing yoga every  morning and do some of those 30 day challenges on Pinterest throughout the day.   I’m just so disgusted by how I’ve let myself go.  My husband says he can’t tell that I’ve gained any weight at all.  I told him you just love me more today than you did 8yrs ago.  I love him for that, but I need to do this for myself.  I need to get healthy and not be at risk for health problems anymore.  I really need to lose this weight before trying to have another baby because my OBGYN will be on my butt about it.  I have a love/hate relationship with him.  Love him hate that he tells it exactly how it is.  Anyways time to go make dinner…



4 thoughts on “Time Out”

  1. I had a miscarrige at the age of 15..
    If youre going to get depressed over the struggles of having a third kid how can you cope through life. Sometimes things take patience…


    1. I’m sorry you experienced that, I’ve had a couple miscarriages in my younger years as well. Everyone has bad days, and when your trying for something and so many people start making the announcement you want to make it can really get you down, but seeing how you seem to still be in high school you don’t know about these types of “struggles”. If these things got me truly depressed I wouldn’t have my 2 girls, I wouldn’t be functioning after losing my niece less than 40mins after her birth,
      If you read the whole blog I’m not depressed about it, I’m actually happy it hasn’t happened yet because I’m taking this time to work on myself and get healthy before trying again.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Good luck with the weight loss! I struggled with infertility and just had my first baby. I’d love to have another someday but I know pregnancy would be much easier on my body if I lose some weight first so that is a big goal for me this year as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I had my babies within a year of each other so weightloss was a major struggle. My doc warned me having the kids so close together would make it harder to lose the weight. I also have irregular periods which doesn’t help the case either. I figured I’ll start working out more and working on getting healthy and if it happens it happens, if I get down to my final goal weight and it still hasn’t happened then I’ll talk to the doc about it.


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