Ok, so as many of us moms have experienced, once we start having kids then life takes over and friends seems to disappear. I’ve never been blessed enough to have life long friends. I have no contact with the people I went to school with, the few friends I’ve made after graduation have walked out of my life, or vice versa for many reasons from not understanding/caring enough to stick around, personal beliefs ect…
Now that I have toddlers and I’ve spent the past almost 2 months sitting at home doing nothing because of this broken ankle, I’ve been thinking a lot, probably too much lol. I tend to get stuck in my own head. I’ve learned that the few people I considered friends for the past 3-4 years aren’t as close as I thought. I have 1 that lives literally walking distance away just a few blocks to be exact and haven’t seen them at all.
I’ve gone from seeing/talking to them every other day to maybe once every 2-3 weeks via messaging and its awkward. Since I broke my ankle, I’ve had people showing up out of the woodwork to offer help ect but the people I’ve felt close with…. nothing. Now for my husband who is recluse this is no problem at all, saves the hassle of having to keep up relationships lol. I asked him if he would go with to get our nails done, grab a coffee, go shopping ect. He laughed and was like “uhhhh”. I was like EXACTLY!
This is something for whatever reason really gets to me. I’m not the person that wants a ton of friends, in fact I’ve always hated going to parties or events and feeling like everyone is looking at me. I don’t like the attention. I like to just have my handful of close friends. I’ve been burned many times because I come off “too nice” most times. I genuinely care for everyone, but don’t mistake my kindness for weakness because once I’m taken advantage of, I cut all ties. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. I’ve lost friends who were homosexual for the mere fact that I ate at Chick-Fil-A. A friend who knew I attend church and was marrying into the Pastors family. She just never talked to me again, I called her to ask why she was ignoring me. She said “You support them, that means you don’t support me.” I responded with, “I’m sorry, but I’ve never supported your life choices, but I’ve also never judged you, or allowed it to affect our friendship. All the other lesbians we know eat there too, by the way.” I had a friend end our friendship because she didn’t agree with my grieving process after losing my grandparents. She thought after a week I should be normal, not taking into consideration that I not only lost a grandparent, I was there every single day watching him die for months, I was the only person he remember throughout his dementia, I was the only person he would show affection to, and to top it off after he passed I then had to take care of my grandma, she moved in with us and I was fresh out of high school caring for her, making her feel like she still had a reason not to give up on life because she lost her spouse of just under 61yrs. I know I was her reason because 3 months later her eldest son died suddenly of lung cancer and she told his wife to cling to her grand babies, that’s the only reason she has to keep living.
I’m only in my mid-late 20’s, but I rather have family over friends. Surprisingly, I don’t have that. My mom has become my best friend that talk to on the phone 3x a day. Shes the only person besides my husband whom I know will listen, not judge and always have my back. She’ll defend me, even if I’m wrong. I have 5 sister-in-laws, I can tell you their first names, ages and that is it, pretty much. Out of all 5 I talk to 1 of them. Some feel like they don’t need/want any sisters, others are young and stupid and still know “everything” and some feel as though they are “better” than me, oh and then there’s the one that think’s I’m not good enough for her brother. I’ve always dreamt of marrying into a large family so I could finally have sisters… too bad that didn’t happen.
Cousins in my family are around every corner, on my moms side alone there are 77 grand/great grand/great great grand kids. I don’t think any of them close to each other. After I lost my grandma the family Christmas stopped and 4th of July picnic has gone down to just my aunts and uncles basically. There’s no sense of family anymore, my grandma truly was the glue that kept everyone together. It’s sad really. I think thats why I just love my husbands family so much. Even though everyone isn’t super close family still comes first. Theres a family dinner for all holidays and probably once a month after church. I love the close knit feeling of it. Sitting around the table laughing to the point of tears, playing intense games of Phase 10. It’s just the best. I actually get more excited to go than my husband, I’ve even had to threaten to just leave him behind because he drags his feet about going lol.
My husband told me today while we were talking during his lunch break that I really don’t need friends. I have him, I have my mom and I have God. He’s actually right, I really have everything I need. He also said if I wait 12yrs I’ll have 2 teenagers to hang with and chat, I just laughed and told him they won’t want to talk to me, thats not cool at that age. Seeing that the only people who showed up to help when I needed it the most was family/church family I would say he’s right. I’m glad he talked me through all the tears. I’m glad he wasn’t a husband to call his brothers to ask them to have their wives hang out with me out of pitty, because that would just make it worse. I truly am blessed to be married to my best friend.