Baby: To Be or Not To Be

I know there’s a few things that need to line up in order to conceive a baby, but do you ever wonder why they do and don’t happen to for certain people?  It’s something I think about every now and then.  I’m a religious person, my father-in-law is a pastor, and I think about why God would allow bad things to happen to good people and good things happen to bad people.  It just doesn’t make sense to me sometimes.

The reason I’m thinking about this topic so much is because my husband and I are trying to conceive.  I’ve been off birth control for a year now, and we haven’t had any luck.  We did have a hysterical pregnancy at the beginning of the year that was stress induced I guess.  I’ll be writing another blog soon to follow up from  My Husband is No Longer Superman .  Which will explain the stress I was under.

I find it crazy that we haven’t had any luck because we’ve successfully had 2 girls back to back (literally, they are 363 days apart) and they were not planned.  So what is making things so difficult this time?  We’re not like going crazy in this we HAVE to conceive way, we’re more like we want one, and were not going to stress and when it happens it happens, but so many times we’ve been excited for nothing.

My doctor says its a combination of my weight along with my irregular periods.  I told him my weight was never an issue before Im almost back down to my pre baby weight and I have never had a regular period since I hit puberty.  I don’t really listen to the doctors if its not a medical reason like not having good eggs ect.  I feel like its up to God when we’ll have another baby, if we’ll have another baby.

Thinking on this topic I wonder why people who are good people, stable, and desire to have kids don’t have such luck and people who are bipolar off their meds, getting high on a regular basis, don’t want to raise their own kids, or take care of them are expecting.  It just doesn’t seem fair to me.  I didn’t think it was fair that my brother held his newborn daughter in his arms and said goodbye the same hour she was born.  Its heartbreaking to me that people have to go through this stuff.

I thought my youngest having a swallowing disorder was rough, but once I saw what my brother was going through that swallowing disorder seemed like a piece of cake.  What expecting mom hitting her last trimester should have to go shopping for the last minute items but instead of blankets, bottles, clothes its caskets, flowers, funeral plans. It just doesn’t seem fair.

So this blog might be more of a babbling thought process going through my brain right now, probably because its 11pm and I’m tired lol.  Anyone reading this and going or have gone through this type of situation, I’m praying for you.

Psalms 37:4  Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.


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